“Okay,” was all she said when I asked if she’d travel to Thailand with me. I booked the flights and two months later we’re preparing to leave. “Are you sure you still want to go?,” I asked while looking at her lengthy to-do list. I was working for my mom for two months now and had a new understanding of her hefty workload. She spent her days waking up going to work, drinking lots of coffee, and stopping late to sleep. Twelve hour work days with little rest can take a toll on anyone. So I understood when she agreed to escape it for a bit for a trip. But I still wondered, “Is this the right time?”
I had solo traveled to Thailand that summer before and felt the benefit of traveling on my well-being and focus. Thailand is a spiritual place, with monks on every corner ready to tell you about the value of meditation and mindfulness. I spent a weekend in the mountains of Chiang Mai, talking to local people about peace and simplicity, and was determined to bring my mother to this place to also find the same peace.
But I still had doubts – wondering, “Will she have the same soul-enriching experiences I had? Should we do the same activities I did? Should we just lay in a hotel and relax for the week?” Leaving it up to fate, I decided to plan more while there instead of beforehand. Plus, at the time we were so busy with work, we didn’t have much time to plan. So, we did a fast-paced, spontaneous Thailand trip, where we saw a lot in little time, and here is what I learned:
1. It is okay to have different interests as someone you love while traveling
“Mom, you should really meditate”
My mom and I are similar, she raised me to be curious, open-minded, and adventurous as she is. But we have our differences. I have been trying to convince her to do meditation for years, as I believe it will help her stress. But she finds it uncomfortable and unnecessary. When I traveled Thailand solo, I enjoyed a visit with a particular monk that gave a lecture on the mind and freeing ourselves from attachments, that left me feeling moved and wanting to share. However, this same monk was not available when we were there, so I dragged her to another temple that offered free meditations. When we arrived, we were the only ones there and were brought to an empty basement with all white walls. The monk started the session with explaining the different types of meditation and said, “First we will start with the standing meditation…” I side eyed my mom, knowing she HATES to stand. She will walk anywhere but if she has to stand, she’ll find somewhere to sit. When the monk placed us against a wall facing the other way with palms open, I cautiously glanced at my mom and saw her already swaying back and forth. Oh no, I feared, this is going to be hard. Ten minutes in, I heard her asking, “Can I use the bathroom?” I blushed with embarrassment and tried to refrain from giggling, wondering if she actually had to use the bathroom or was looking for an escape.
Meditation is not my moms’ thing, and I learned that is okay. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to recreate the powerful experiences I once had so that she could have them with me, to only realize that we could have our own new experiences together.
One night we went to a market with a group from the hostel. I thought we could walk around and look at the stands, but my mom was happy to just sit somewhere and have a beer, enjoying overlooking the market as we talked. We sat there and laughed about trying to do a standing meditation and how silly it felt. I had to put my preferences aside to focus on what we could enjoy together.
2. You learn a lot about your loved ones while traveling together – outside of the normal routine
“Look, it’s an ANT!”
Before we left, my mom was working a lot. I was seeing her stressed all the time and in work mode. She had tunnel vision, hyper focused on taxes and serving her clients.
When we went on a hike in the mountains, away from civilization, I noticed her turning her head around as she asked many questions, (most of which I did not know the answers to) “What kind of plant is this? Who built these trails? What kind of animals are up there?” She took an interest in the local village people nestled in the mountains, wondering how long they’ve lived there and what they eat. I was reminded of how curious she is. She likes to explore and wants to learn new things, but didn’t always get the chance to do while in the everyday work routine. At one point when we were sitting on top of the mountains, I looked over at her and she was staring at the ground as her gaze went along a trail. She looked at me in amazement and said, “Look at that ant over there… where do you think it’s going!?” I laughed at her genuine curiosity and realized in that moment, this is the mom I love and want to see more.
3. As you get older, responsibilities and roles reverse
“Mom, drink more water”
I love planning trips, I was eager to plan this one. My mom is easy going so I knew she would be happy to go with the flow. I remember when she used to plan all of the amazing trips my brother and I went on as kids (that we took for granted): Boat trips in islands, Canada for skiing, a Grand Canyon exploration. I was fortunate to travel and not have to do anything but go on the trip and enjoy! Then I became an adult and since the first time I traveled alone, moving to Spain to teach English, I became the new tour guide. When I moved to Colombia, my mom came to visit and explore it with me. I enjoyed leading her through the places I had grown to love and share local restaurants, parks, and introduce her to the people. Now, as an ~older~ adult, I not only plan the trips but also look after her. Questions like, “Mom, did you drink enough water?,” and “Mom, are you feeling okay and should we have a day to rest?,” became part of the daily routine. I have learned these past couple of years how to take care of my mom , after many years of her taking care of me, and I actually enjoy the role change.
4. Enjoy the present moment and the people you share it with
“Looks good to me”
Since we had not planned most of our trip before, I spent a lot of time researching each place and booking flights while on the trip. We would find a place to sit and relax for a bit, and I would get right to my phone researching the next place. “Mom, look, what do you think about this hotel,” I would ask as I showed her the options. “Looks good to me,” she would always say. I was so determined to find the ‘best deals’ and plan the ‘best tours’ that in hindsight, it took away from having the best genuine experiences together. At times, I’d drop my phone and look up at my mom sitting there and realize I spent the last 1.5 hours researching. The truth is, it was really special just to be able to share these travel experiences together and perhaps as I did while traveling as a kid, I was taking it for granted. One day, we were racing to go to another place in Thailand, in a taxi at six in the morning after having partied until late the night before, and my mom laid her head down on my lap to nap. I looked down and then out the window, realizing how cool it was that we were traveling throughout Thailand, doing so many things together. This person that gave me life is now having the same life-changing cultural exchanges that are so special to me. Which leads me to my last one…
5. Go travel with your mom (or other family members)
It has been one of the best life experiences and my mom and I both would not have changed it for the world! Even if you have lots of work waiting at home…. this is your reminder to leave it behind and go. These are the moments that matter in life, that you’ll look back on with a smile. ❤️
